Some Changes Here

You wouldn't have noticed because I'm only saying so now, but I went through and stuck a lot of past posts in my drafts. A lot.

It's been a long time coming I think. I'm not quitting, but let me explain:

When I started this place, publicly, I was not who I am today. I had a one-ish year old, was living in a place I despised, and had a great deal of time on my hands aside from taking care of the aforementioned child. I started delving into reading blogs as a bored, lonely person and then decided to join in by starting one of my own.
I never planned to make Jack the primary focus, but let's face it, he WAS my primary focus, I guess as it should be (?) at that time.

He's getting older, and the internet isn't going away, and he doesn't need his life chronicled on it. Even though what I put on here is a very small part of a whole and you were never privy to everything, it doesn't need to be here - at least not anymore. Also the internet is scary and there are terrible people on it, and I've been watermarking pictures for some time but that's not going stop people from - do I really need to go on?

Many mothers I admire a great deal from across the internet also seem to be coming to this realization and have been doing the same as of late. Note, I am not being a follower, I honestly just haven't had the time to sit down as work on what needed to be done. Many are not and never will, and that's alright too. It's a personal choice, and to be honest I'm surprised that I chose what I did when I began this. Suffice it to say I was not myself, not thinking clearly for a long time, and I now am.

I have two children I need to worry about, to keep safe, and who occupy SO much of my time. As it should be. Most days I am steps away from running around like a chicken with its head cut off. On the days when that does actually happen, it's not pretty. I didn't want to edit anything I'd already written and simply taking out the pictures obviously was not enough, so those posts reside in the draft section of my blogger dashboard and will just stay there.

There's some sort of weird transition phase going on here right now and there's a jumbled mess of odd past-posts left over after the reaping, but I wasn't sure what else to do and I didn't want to just start over. So I suppose we'll just move on from this point, and there really won't be pictures of the kids for sure or much about them, but other than that, it's all up in the air. Sometimes I feel like that doesn't leave me with much. Let's just say it, that's good and bad both in print and, you know, real life.

Is this making any sense?


Just...hang with me, let me figure out what's going on, respect that the kids are important and precious, aaaaand. Um. We'll just carry on from here.


Thanks, guys.

Hey...remember me?

Well, this is awkward...


Every time I've tried to sit down and write, somebody needed something from me, or in rarer cases, I needed to do something for myself.

Two kids. It's no joke. BUT I'm not the first to do it and certainly not the last - I can't stand when people complain about it endlessly...it's not that terrible when you have your head in the game and not anywhere/everywhere else.  Thus, the break, for focus.

I'm actually typing one handed right now, I'm in the middle of nursing Grant and guessing the various things Jack is running around pretending to be - airplane, monkey, elephant, etc. but I figured I'd really give this a shot and publish SOMETHING because I haven't had a free moment to do so in almost 3 months so it's clear that variable is not changing.


So hi!
Honestly I have no clue where to begin, things have been a whirlwind.

Let's consider this a placeholder, and I'll be trying to spend some time updating on the major goings-on and get them out to you this week.




Don't hold me to that, though.

once again, my sister in law Jess with the family picture WIN!

What I AM nervous about:

In my last entry, I mentioned how I'm not nervous about the responsibility of having two children.
Feel free to laugh, really. I'm sure I'll eat those words soon.

But anyway. That's not to say I don't have worrying going on.

1.) After my labor with Jack, in which my pain meds ran out when it was time to push and so I did so naturally? I want to purposely go natural this time. I mean...I know it can be done. I know *I* can do it. So why wouldn't I? If I don't need drugs pumped through me and the baby, why would I choose that? If it means recovery will be easier and I'll feel better afterward, why wouldn't I choose that? Basically, all my intrathecal shot did last time was allow me to get a couple hours of sleep in the middle of the night.
But does that mean the memory of that temporary pain isn't scaring the non-existent balls off of me? Nooooooo.  Which brings me to:

2.) Time of day. I really don't want the main event happening in the middle of the night again. With Jack, I started contractions the morning of the 26th, powered through them all day, and we headed to the hospital, which is about 45minutes away from where we live, around 10pm. I REALLY labored all through the night and had him by 9am on the 27th. I basically never caught up on sleep. I was deliriously tired the day he was born...like to the point I have some memories of that day that are out-of-body. It's WEIRD.

So yes, I'd rather it not happen that way again, but moreso, I don't want to have to head to the hospital in the middle of the night because I don't want to leave Jack in the middle of the night. I don't want him to wake up in the morning and have us not be there. Just the thought of that happening gives me so much anxiety about all of this. The hospital is far enough away that if I sent Jay home to be there for when he wakes up in the morning, who knows what could progress between him driving to our house and back? I don't want him to miss the birth. It's not that I don't trust the people we have in place to be with Jack while we're at the hospital. I just don't like the thought of what he'll think waking up in the morning to someone that's not Mommy and Daddy, no matter if we prepare him for that or not. He can be pretty irrational when he first wakes up...


So those are my two freak out points as of right now...

35 weeks, 3 days

Comically pregnant.



That's what Jay called me before taking my picture tonight.

I'm not even going to bother with the survey thing, it hasn't changed much.
I've officially hit the amount of weight I gained with Jack. ::shrug::
Everything hurts.
Sleep is kind of a joke.
A good deal of my shirts are not covering the bottom of my belly. Maternity shirts. 'Cause you know, why the hell not.


Better late than never with the picture? Didn't even try tonight, as you can see by the look on my face.
And Jack's toys decided to join me.

35 weeks, 3 days. Yup.

33 weeks

What the?! When the?!

• How far along: 33 weeks, 1 day
• Total weight gain:   I don't know, you guys.I really and truly don't care as long as I don't pass the 40 I gained with Jack
• Maternity clothes? Besides a few long tank tops, yep - and even some maternity stuff isn't covering the bottom of the belly...
• Stretch marks? Mmmhmm.
• Sleep:  *grumble grumble*
• Best moment this week: ?
• Miss Anything? My regular clothes, actually!
• Movement: He's trying to destroy me from the inside
• Food cravings: I've been big on a glass of chocolate milk after Jack goes to bed, and cereal at night, too.
• Food aversions: Nope.
• Gender: BOY
• Labor Signs: Just Braxton Hicks from time to time
• Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, charlie horses, back/leg/etc pain. Fun!
• Belly Button in or out? Out.
• Wedding rings on or off? On.
• Looking forward to: Gettin' this show on the road.

Sorry, pretty much all of that is the same as last week.

I had a doctor's appointment last week, Baby G is head down! Of course that could always change, but for right now it's good news. I have another appointment next week because I've been going every two weeks, and then after that? I'm scheduled for every week until the end. Holy cow. Stuff just got reeeeeeal.

32 weeks

I had to actually check that fact, I'm just not great at keeping track anymore.Whoops.

• How far along: 32 weeks, 2 days
• Total weight gain:   Staying strong at 20ish lbs -ok with it.
• Maternity clothes? Besides a few long tank tops, yep.
• Stretch marks? Oh who can tell anymore?!
• Sleep:  Terrible, horrible, no good. I hurt and/or wake up every time I move.
• Best moment this week: ???
• Miss Anything? My regular clothes, actually!
• Movement: He's trying to destroy me from the inside
• Food cravings: I've been big on a glass of chocolate milk after Jack goes to bed, and cereal at night, too.
• Food aversions: Nope.
• Gender: BOY
• Labor Signs: Just Braxton Hicks from time to time
• Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, charlie horses, back/leg/etc pain. Fun!
• Belly Button in or out? Out.
• Wedding rings on or off? On.
• Looking forward to: Gettin' this show on the road.

32 weeks, 2 days

32 weeks and a day with Jack:

I don't really like talking about my flair

My flair, in this case, is the torso protrusion known as Baby G____________.  (that's all you're getting)

I realize the irony of this since I write a blog which, at the moment, focuses pretty much solely on this exact thing. I guess it's alright in this instance because it's on my terms? Not sure. But I've found myself uncomfortable talking about it when strangers ask. I don't get out that much so it's not often at all - maybe that's part of it? I don't have practice talking about it?

In a very very rare moment sans Jack yesterday afternoon, Jay and I took a quick trip out to lunch. He chose Chili's. His criteria was that the parking lot wasn't crowded and there was plenty on the menu to chose from.

So we walk in, and see the greeter - an older woman whom Jay described as...well, as looking like a Buckingham Palace guard in her red shirt, and straight jet black hair that was very poofy on the top.

Right away there was zero eye contact. This woman's eyes focused ONLY on my belly from the get-go. What a self-esteem boost... I'm up here, lady. Add to this the fact that I happened to be wearing a shirt with a horizontal stripe pattern, which is a brave move in pregnancy to begin with. Not full-on Juno Stripes or anything, tiny little pale yellow and white ones, but still.

Palace Guard: Would you like to sit at a table or a booth? Which would be easier for you?
Me: Doesn't matter!

And then it registers that she's suggesting the belly may not fit in between a table and the bench on a booth... 


FOR REAL?!?!


She brings us to a booth anyway. I guess she wanted to experiment.

Palace Guard: Oh yeah, good, plenty of room!
Me and Jay: *silence*


She placed the menus on the table and did the waiter trick where they try to seem like your best buddy by crouching down real close to the table and getting all up in your face to tell you their name and that these are menus. Thanks for that.

Palace Guard: Soooo, when are you duuuuuuue?
Me: October...
Palace Guard: Ohh niiiice! First?
Me: *perplexed* No...middle of October?
Jay: Mumbling something like "no no" (because he actually understood what she meant here while I didn't**)
Palace Guard: I mean is this your first!
Me: Oh. No we have a three year old.

Then she went back to greeter mode. I guess at that point I didn't need any scholarly mothering advice since I have a kid already? Phew.

Now I realize all most of this was harmless, but for some reason it made me uncomfortable. Jay said I should have acted really offended and said I wasn't pregnant. Or that it's a tumor. Or that I'm due next year, I'm just really large already. Or that I'm having quadruplets. My contribution was "Oh I just got my positive test last week, how did you know I was pregnant?!"


I'm the "laugh it off" type. How would you handle a situation such as this?




**I've found that many people like to relate when a pregnant woman is due to their own birthdate or the birthdate of someone they know. It's cool when the person says it's their own birthday, or very near their birthday, or their child's birthday, or they know someone due that day, too. But I've very recently been told "Ooooh that's my dog's birthday!!!" and I didn't know how to react to that one...

29 weeks, 2 days

Oh, second child, you are getting the slacker treatment already. Sorry, kid.

For the record, we took belly pics last week and the week before that, too, I just didn't post them here!

• How far along: 29 weeks, 2 days
• Total weight gain:   Over 20lbs. Meh.
• Maternity clothes? Yup. I actually caved and had to buy a few more shirts.
• Stretch marks? Oh who can tell anymore?!
• Sleep:  If I wake up in the middle of the night, it's difficult to go back to sleep. I'm hoping cooler weather will help a bit though.
• Best moment this week: Uh. I don't know, nothing pregnancy related.
• Miss Anything? Cool weather, a good night's sleep, getting off the couch without a struggle...
• Movement: Good Lord yes
• Food cravings: Nope.
• Food aversions: Nope.
• Gender: BOY
• Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks suck.
• Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, charlie horses, my legs are always falling asleep...
• Belly Button in or out? Out.
• Wedding rings on or off? On.
• Looking forward to: Fall.

Keepin' it real with the glasses on. New glasses, by the way. My old ones were just that - VERY old, and all sorts of bent and misshapen from years of falling asleep with them on, a certain little boy sitting on my head from time to time, etc. Can't get a new box of contacts just yet, so I figured a sweet deal from a site online to grab a new pair was worth going for, so I could at least feel a little better about wearing my glasses all the time.


First front shot, too! Been neglecting that angle, and I wanted to see if he's on my right side like Jack was. Yup. Must just be the way my body is on the inside, both my little boys have liked it over there. Didn't realize the panel of my jeans was showing though, whoops.

Eyelashes

I can not get over the detail.

Also...Monkey Baby...amitrite?!?!

the cord, not bubbles

also the cord

26 weeks, 1 day

Guess what?

26 weeks, 1 day

My camera works!!!!!!!  I'm ecstatic!

• How far along: 26 weeks, 1 day
• Total weight gain:   Over 20lbs. More on that below.
• Maternity clothes? Yup.
• Stretch marks? Aside from the new one I think may have happened a few weeks ago, no other new ones.
• Sleep:  Dwindling.
• Best moment this week: Best moment of the past COUPLE weeks - getting Jack to tell the families the name of the baby :)
• Miss Anything? Cool weather?
• Movement: Good Lord yes
• Food cravings: Nope.
• Food aversions: Nope.
• Gender: BOY
• Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks suck.
• Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, charlie horses, my legs are always falling asleep...
• Belly Button in or out? Out.
• Wedding rings on or off? On.
• Looking forward to: Fall, I suppose.

Soooo yeah, I saw a doctor in the practice today that I haven't seen yet in this pregnancy, and I got a bit of a weight talk. It's "on the higher side".....duh :)  Protein, every couple of hours, instead of carbs.  Well hey, yeah! Now the the rhinitis has FINALLY gone away, it's a WHOLE lot easier for me to eat things like that without puking! So, you got it, Doc! *Sigh* As long as everything is fine with my 1-hour glucose test in two weeks, I'm cool with it. 




And I did just say "in two weeks". Because I'm at the point where I go in for appointments every two weeks instead of once a month.  How did that sneak up on me so fast???


And speaking of sneaking on me...Jack snuck up on me in this picture. I don't remember what he was happy about, but we were talking back and forth before Jay took the picture, and boom, there he is, all sorts of cute.